love in the time of national anxiety

there is a difference between an anxiety that sits in your chest like a walnut, waiting for the crows to swoop on in-

and-

feeling the fire burn in your heart as if you were the almighty phoenix alight in self-destruction not of a false pseudo psycho intellectual manner but in the way that clears the path for regeneration

i wonder if the difference between those two is

your opinion of where you are

because from moment to moment i am in the deep, fast moving current of a river carrying me to territory i have never even heard of, let alone have any kind of map for,

and

every time i find that walnut and see crows circling overhead

i just repeat to myself

the lines

this is how i am getting to be

the me i always held a secret dream for,

through the heart
of a phoenix on fire

and i am that phoenix

and i will always be that phoenix

as long as there is burning

and

as long as there is breath.