“No, no, your girlfriend is just pretending she doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day…”
Guess how many of my boyfriends (not current, I only have ONE boyfriend currently, haha!) (I mean throughout the history of the men I’ve dated!) have reported back to me such comments during discussions with others about February 14th!??!
All but one.
I am talking here about long term, serious relationships. I am talking about guys that met my parents. I am talking about men I love(d) and who love(d) me.
These are men rich and poor, foreign and local. From Little Falls, MN. From Naples, Italy. From Dusseldorf, Germany.
Only one man ever voluntarily celebrated Valentine’s Day by buying me something, and guess what?
That was and remains PERFECTLY acceptable to me.
I hope I don’t get banned from Hallmark’s for saying this, but, um,
I don’t really care.
“Wait a second,” you may be asking yourself now, “WHO is writing this? Is this Erin? What have you done with Erin? The one who extols the virtue of romance? The one who wrote a whole goshdurned 90 minute show about love? The one who sings, and not with any shame or hint of sarcasm, Celine Dion’s ‘The Power of Love’ in public?”
Yup. Me. That one. THE ROMANTIC.
Now let me tell you another secret.
I LOVE Valentine’s Day.
As a kid, this was my favorite holiday.
I loved buying Valentine’s and creating a special little “mailbox” made out of a show box, all covered in red construction paper with pink hearts and doilies. I love candy, chocolate, romance, perfume, all things girly and sexy. I love love. I love Valentine’s Day.
But I feel like I, like so many gals and perhaps guys, are sick of the EXPECTATION of spending money on V-Day.
I loved the cards and little notes as a kid, and in retrospect, because in order to take the time to sit down and write “to Gina, from your friend Erin,” something moves from within. Even if I’m doing it because the teacher said so, I am spending a moment to think about Gina. I am taking a moment to honor her in my life. I may even think about the fun times we’ve spent and think about how fun the upcoming birthday party will be. Who knows…
So I love the intention of Valentine’s Day, I do! I truly do.
And I don’t even mind the spending money thing. In fact, I think for certain businesses, it can be a great boon. For example, as a singer of romantic songs, this is one of my busier times for gigs! One of the day jobs I have had includes massage therapy. Another big time for extra work. As a small business owner, I certainly appreciate people wanting to invest in what I have to offer to shower their love on another person.
But I am not pretending when I tell my boyfriends, “I don’t care if you don’t buy me flowers for Valentine’s Day.”
That’s not why I am dating them. I am not dating them so that I get stuff on February 14th.
I WILL celebrate this day, because I love love love love LOVE. I will wear pink and red and send cards and notes. I will call my niece and nephew. I will also be working, helping other people share their love.
But I won’t encourage anyone to be forced into consumerism as a display of love.
Least of all the man I love!
I can buy my own flowers, if I want them.
I prefer to let people be moved to give me gifts or send me notes or NOT. Whatever is intrinsic to THEM, be it friend, family or beau.
p.s. I have been very lucky in my life to date men who always said “I don’t need a holiday to be romantic” and were honest in saying so… But it’s the EXPECTATION of someone having to turn into something they are not that causes so much frustration in love. Find ways to love the person in front of you without needing them to want the same things you want. Just try it. And if you want flowers, do what I do! Buy them!
I LOVE YOU
HAPPY LOVE DAY