I'm writing this with 20 minutes to spare before my friend arrives and we are off to a series of New Year's Eve parties; glittering in my sparkling blue and diamond drop earrings to match my eyes, a mesh rock and roll sweater over a black and red hearted bustier, black jeans and black stiletto pumps... a faux fur in the back seat and ear muffs, because I'm apparently still 12 when it comes to both my tolerance for cold (nonexistent in Minnesota, even less so here in southern California) AND my choice in outerwear...
So who cares about a year and a decade in review? But celebrating all our failures helps us grow and having compassion for ourselves can pivot us in new directions... and honoring our achievements helps us feel happy... and we are entering the NEW ROARING 20s and I have a costume change or two left in me!
So! Shall we, briefly, then?
2019: THE GOOD: Henry is still alive. Carlo and I won a bunch of contests with a script we wrote. We produced a middling short film with a great story and got it into a few festivals and licensed it to a real cable channel. I worked on a top secret film I can't talk about yet but got to see how good of work can be done when fully supported by cast and crew and production entities and network... i.e., I didn't have to wear a million hats myself and didn't have to do a million hours of my day job, thereby losing energy. My mom had a big birthday and we all got together to celebrate her in northern Minnesota and I remembered why I love the place I was born. I survived another year in Los Angeles without a sugar daddy unless you count my credit cards in which case I'm fucked. I got a lot more honest because I'm just too damn old to lie about much else. I lost my way as a singer but started working with my genius vocal teacher Gary again after a hiatus and my soul is all the better and happier for it. I lost ten pounds. I gained three back. I lost them again. I gained them back again. I stopped weighing myself. I got to see all the nephews and niece on *my* side of the family. My Italian improved marginally, by which I mean by about 3%, and that's mainly in that I lost any fear of sounding like an idiot because I've made peace with the fact that, well, you get the picture.
2019: THE BAD: Henry has cancer. My food issues and body image issues suck and I hate diet culture. Social media in general. The passing of some family members. Some health issues among those I love. I'm basically a walking headache. I was paying off debt (see above) until Henry got sick, now I'm just dealing with the fact that my humanity is born to give to small dogs with underbites. Um.... I've been attending protests and marches on behalf of the environment since I was a child (remember Kids 4 Saving the Earth? Yup, member of my town's chapter) so my alarm is at the same level it has been at for decades, now, so I still do what I can without wringing my hands. My focus currently is on homeless people in Los Angeles more than anything, how to help people, and those who don't want the help, how to not let them rob me. Oh, I've been robbed by homeless people a couple of times. But I don't know if that's bad per se. It's just that I don't rob them, I really don't, I don't think I even do systemically, so I find it unfair, but I'll just manage my mind around that as my heart breaks daily.
THE TENS: THE GOOD: A music video for a song called "Too Much." A music tour to SXSW. A visit to Prophecy Rock. My sister moved to Los Angeles. Two one woman shows, one of which was really good ("The One.") Manhattan School of Music. Laura's wedding. CARLO! CARLO! CARLO! I love Carlo. We moved in together, I took his last name. It's all confusing, but heck, we love each other more now than ever before so whaddya know. Spy v Spia. Time Zero, our first script together, won a bunch of awards, then Dark Horizons, our pilot together did the same. Got to work with one of the all time greatest. Found the acting teacher that not only got me, but got me to soar, James DiStefano. Another Virgo! (Not me, in case you were wondering, but so many of these important people in my life are Virgos, which is curious,) Learned to really sing and changed my approach to music with voice teacher Gary (Virgo.) Made a few dear new friends. Did a million readings on 12. Took hundreds of Bar Method and Pop Physique classes each and love them equally and both for different reasons. Changed my hair color. A lot. Black to brown to red to blond to platinum to red to blonde to blonder to brown to strawberry bronde. Saw Naples (and now I can die, thank you Goethe, but I won't, not just yet.) Niece and nephews! Italian nieces and nephew! Film festivals galore. Mexico, New York City, Rome, Minneapolis. Sang for a lot of film scores, weddings and parties and gigs. Played with gifted musicians. Avoided lawsuits. Wore some amazing dresses. Discovered Lincoln in the Bardo, Chico y Rita, METOO, Parasite, JoJo Rabbit, Better Caul Saul, Kimmy Schmidt, Downton Abbey, Casa de Papel, Upstart Crow, heard Madeleine Peyroux live, and am ending the year 7 chapters into a novel I'm obsessed with writing.
THE TENS: THE BAD: All but one of my best friends living in Los Angeles moved away and quit the business (I did not, though!!!). People died. Also music died, for me. But I'm trying not to be curmudgeonly about it. We lost Leonard Cohen and Prince and Bowie and lots of other people too soon but some in the natural, normal cycles of life. I miss my childhood friends and early 20s friends desperately. Almost got caught up in a cult. Didn't get to see my family nearly enough. The obvious emotional turmoil over "division," but mainly I'm sad that racism, xenophobia, anti-religious sentiment, anti-poor sentiment, sexism, human and child trafficking and the priority of money over humanity and creativity still exists.
TO SUM UP:
I think I might be the woman I always dreamed of being...
I don't mind getting older, but I wish the rest of the world also didn't mind...
Funny bumping into you here, huh?
Nothing a great dress and tube of lipstick can't fix... and if it is? Well, let's dance. Gotta run. My friend just got here~