Wednesday, December 11, 2013
11:23 pm, Wednesday night
Alone in the night,
Hallelujah by design
During a Celtic salt bath,
And the sweep of sorrow
When at once I realize
I am no longer bound by the melancholia
Which once defined the edges of my soul.
And liberated, I find I love Jeff Buckley like a mother!
Not like a sister or a fantastic fairy lover.
And the beautiful loser is no more;
She is gone and
I Lost her,
Though in my mind's eye
Will I always treasure
This girl who gave me
Everything ever once I thought-
I have lost!
What have I gained?
No hallmark dainty, doily, soiled
No sense of righteousness, but still
An aggrandizement of wise one's pleas,
Mourned and lost as my pink rose deepens to red.
No one warned me
I would grow up.
Threatened, sure. Hoped! Of course.
(And I thought gravity would pull me down into the waters from whence I came,
The bends shifting my breathing into a mermaid's gills,
Liberated to die an old woman in a young girl's body,
Traces of an old poem I loved long ago, projecting my hurt into the skies as I
Join my seven sisters nigh)
Why then, such tears over the end of depression?
I am sad to find myself so happy.
Okay! Now we laugh.
Take a deep breath, little poet.
You're gonna make it after all.
So for what you have left,
What god dovetails, past life to future wife,
make it worthy of your
Flaming gorgeous heart.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
December 1st, 2013
Hi everyone! Wow. It’s December. I can barely believe it. I’m sure most of you feel the same- we can barely believe the close of another year is drawing nigh! Lest we not enjoy THIS day, let’s not think just yet upon the year and where we learned, where we laughed, where we lived….
…and yet, perhaps, a little, because after all, this is a time of becoming aware of who and what is special to us and why. Why do we pay attention where we do? And with fresh perspective, where will we spend our passion next?
I have only a few days left to finish fundraising for my album, “Songs.” I am over half way there and am really grateful for the opportunity to do this! (I secretly hope I make it!) (I openly hope I make it, too!)
Something wonderful has been happening through this process of recording, mixing, working, collaborating, fundraising, publicizing, etc. You see, in a way, independent artists often think, “It’s just me doing all this work all alone. How’m I ever gonna make it!?” But as I have been working on this endeavor (which all came about in the first place because people at my concerts and performances requested it) I have learned: (Shocking spoiler alert, LOL):
I do not live in a vacuum.
(That would be really dusty. Ew.)
The most amazing people have come forward to pre buy an album, donate $100 (even if we only know each other via the internet!), or donate a few bucks. Every dollar helps! Even if you can give $1 or $2, it helps.
Not only that! I have also shared emails with fellow artists, as well as patrons. I’ve gotten in touch with people from years ago, excited to share in what’s occurring. I have met some new people and connected more deeply with friends. This album is showing me how beautifully interconnected we all are…
Then, there is the beauty of the process of art itself.
Something that often happens to people who have been working a LONG time as artists, and almost always with a certain level of sacrifice (long hours of practice after hours of working a day job…. Donating huge portions of your day job paycheck to classes and lessons and coaching, instead of vacations and down payments on homes, etc.)…. Despite these compromises and many others, life as an artist presents other kinds of joy.
For example, there are gifts (spiritual, musical and otherwise) that come from really befriending a song. I mean really... Really getting to know a piece of music, inside and out, and then singing it again and again, discovering something new at each turn of phrase….
Earlier today I asked myself, why do life long artists, even masters like Barbra Streisand, after all this time, STILL get nervous before performing?
You know, for most, when you’re a very young artist, you just wanna DO it so bad… but after you have failed and failed and maybe succeeded a little and failed and failed and then mastered and mastered and maybe succeeded and maybe not…. And you don’t quit…. You gain a bit of maturity… and you just keep going because you LOVE it so much and it is a part of you and you it…. And you may or may not ever make a living doing it…. And you may never win a Grammy but you also never quit because it stops being about the end result and truly just is about the music…. you begin to realize a new import to what you are doing. A new honesty takes hold. The gift of this moment of music, being able to touch something eternal and divine, and letting it channel through you, hapless human though you may be…. Has a bliss and wonder all its own.
And you sing the song and the people who listen (even if it’s just you and your dog) touch something so much greater than your own idea of yourself.
And you are so blessed.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I am experiencing.
I never tire of the process of creating.
I feel so lucky to be living my life as an artist.
If you can help me with my campaign, I truly appreciate it. And to those of you who HAVE donated, bought an album, donated a dollar. I am so grateful. You are helping me discover anew and I cannot wait to share with you some of these explorations in the form of song.